Looking for the funniest beauty jokes to lighten the mood? Whether you’re a beautician, hairdresser, makeup artist—or just someone who loves a good laugh—this list has everything from quick one-liners to storytelling jokes. Perfect for sharing in the salon, posting on social media, or dropping into conversation while you’re getting a new look.
Hairdresser & Beautician Humor
These jokes are shear delight (pun fully intended).
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Beauticians do it standing up.
- How did the beautician win the race? She took a short cut.
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If you cheat on your hairdresser and get messed up, don’t come crawling back asking her to fix it.
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What do you call a good hair stylist? A shear delight.
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If your hair is done properly and you’re wearing the right shoes… you can get away with anything.
- Rules of the Parlor
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Rule #1: The Beautician is always right.
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Rule #2: If there is any doubt, please refer to Rule #1.
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Makeup & Beauty Jokes
Because laughter is the best foundation.
- What kind of car does a makeup artist drive? A compact car.
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Why did the blonde put on makeup before going to bed? She wanted to get her of beauty sleep.
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Why did the blonde put lipstick on her head? She was trying to makeup her mind.
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What kind of father buys his daughter makeup? A MAC daddy.
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Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
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What do you call a cat that wears makeup? Glamourpuss.
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What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a.
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Why does a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means stop.
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What is Taylor Swift’s favorite kind of makeup? Shade.
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Did you hear about the wife of Dr. Dre? She’s Straight Outta Cold Cream.
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What did Daisy Duck say when she bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
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Did you see the movie about the fabulous secret agents? It’s called Men in Black Eyeliner.
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How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
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Makeup helps young women improve on Mother Nature and older women trick Father Time.
- Women fall in love with what they hear, men fall in love with what they see—that’s why women wear makeup and men lie.
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Find a guy that ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.
- Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
- Hey, I just met you, and girl you look crazy. What brand’s your makeup? Crayola?
Storytime Joke – The Rome Trip
A woman was getting a haircut before a trip to Rome. She told her beautician/hairdresser about the trip, only to be met with negativity:
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“Rome? Crowded, dirty, and full of tourists.”
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“Delta? Old planes, ugly flight attendants, always late.”
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“Marriott? Worst hotel in the city.”
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“Seeing the Pope? You and a million others. Good luck!”
When the woman returned, everything had gone better than expected:
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Upgraded to first class.
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Given the presidential suite at the hotel.
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Personally greeted by the Pope himself.
The hairdresser asked, “Really? What did the Pope say?”
She replied: “He said, ‘Where’d you get the terrible haircut?’”
The Ditzy Young Woman
A flashy young blonde with huge Bose headphones walked into a salon.
Hairdresser: “Take a seat. Just take those headphones off.”
Blonde: “I can’t or I’ll die!”
The blonde falls asleep. The hairdresser carefully removes the headphones and continues cutting. Suddenly, the woman slumps over and dies!
Panicked, the hairdresser picks up the headphones and hears:
“Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out…”
Final Touch
Whether you’re in the salon chair, behind it, or scrolling through your phone for a laugh, these beautician, hairdresser, and makeup jokes prove one thing: humor never goes out of style.
So the next time you’re waiting for your highlights to set or your nails to dry, pull out one of these jokes—you’ll brighten the whole room faster than a new coat of polish.