The Dallas Cowboys are still “America’s Team” in name—if not in championships. It’s been nearly 30 years since Dallas hoisted the Lombardi Trophy (they last beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 27–17 in Super Bowl XXX following the 1995 season). In the face of that drought, rival fans and Cowboys supporters alike have honed some truly hilarious one-liners to keep the spirit alive.
Below are some of the best Dallas Cowboys jokes on the internet—perfect for roasting your friends (or yourself) on game day.
Championship Drought Jokes
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What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
He turns off the PlayStation. -
Q: How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody remembers. -
Q: What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A: Old.
Football-Term & Role Puns
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Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys. -
Q: What do The Dallas Cowboys & Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ. -
Why did the Dallas Cowboys bring a ladder to the game?
They heard it was time to climb the standings. -
What’s the Cowboys’ favorite dessert?
Turnover pie served fresh every game. -
How do you know if a Cowboys fan is a baker?
They’re always talking about turnovers. -
Why are the Cowboys good at math?
Because they’re always calculating the “yards” they gain. - I saw a Cowboy trying to build a house, but he kept fumbling the hammer.
I guess he’s not good at “construction” either.
Stadium & Venue Jokes
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Why is Cowboys Stadium the safest place to be in a tornado?
Because you know it won’t touchdown there. -
Why do birds fly upside down over Cowboys Stadium?
Because even a bird won’t poop on the Cowboys. -
Why did Jerry Jones build a stadium with a retractable roof?
Because sometimes it’s too painful for even God to watch.
Law-Enforcement Jokes
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The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders coming into Dallas. For the first offense, they give you two Dallas Cowboys tickets. If you get stopped a second time… they make you use them.
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Cowboys practice was canceled last week due to a mysterious white powder they’d never seen before. Closer inspection revealed it was the goal-line.
Anecdotal One-Liners
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Police picked up a five-year-old girl roaming the streets one night.
Officer: “Where can we take you?”
Girl: “To your mom?” “No, she beats me.”
Officer: “To your dad?” “No, he beats me.”
Officer: “Well, where then?”
Girl: “To the Cowboys—they don’t beat nobody!” -
One day at school the teacher asked what the kids’ dads did for a living.
Billy: “My dad’s a male stripper—he dances for guys all night.”
Teacher (embarrassed): “Really?”
Billy: “No, I was too embarrassed to tell them he plays for the Dallas Cowboys.” -
I accidentally left a couple of Cowboys tickets on my truck’s dash. Somebody smashed my window—and left two more tickets with them.
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At a wedding last weekend, Prescott tried throwing rice—only to have it intercepted.
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A guy walks into a bar with his dog. The Cowboys score a TD, and the dog goes nuts—barking, running around, celebrating.
Barkeep: “Your dog sure loves the Cowboys!”
Owner: “Yeah—they’re his favorite team.”
Barkeep: “Well, if he goes that crazy for a TD, what would he do if they won the Super Bowl?”
Owner: “I don’t know—he’s only 10 years old!”
Miscellaneous Puns & One-Liners
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Q: What’s the difference between the Dallas Cowboys & a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill. -
Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and an opossum have in common?
A: Both play dead at home & get killed on the road. - “Did you think this run of losses started in ’92, ’93, or ’95? No—it all began when Jerry fired Jimmy Johnson.”
Whether you bleed star blue or you’re just here for the punchlines, these jokes prove that even when the scoreboard doesn’t favor you, laughter always will. Got a favorite Cowboys zinger we missed? May your next road trip to AT&T Stadium come with fewer turnovers!