The Funniest Diet Jokes

Everyone knows that diets are tough, but a little humor can make them easier. Jokes about dieting often hit close to home, as many of us are often trying to be the fittest we can be for the sake of our health. 

With a few laughs about the challenge, dieting can be a much more fun experience for you. Below are some of the funniest diet jokes you can laugh to or share with your loved ones.

Diet Jokes

When dieting gets tough, a good laugh can get you right back up. These jokes about food, weight, and diets bring humor to the challenge.

1. Two women who were trying to lose weight were discussing their evening plans. “Let’s flip a coin,” one suggested. “If it’s heads, we’ll get a burger. If it’s tails, we’ll grab some pizza. If it stands on its side, we’ll go to the gym.”
2. Try my wife’s new diet meatloaf recipe… Don’t worry, you won’t want much of it.
3. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
4. Eat to live, don’t live to eat.
5. Life has its ups and pounds.
6. God must really love calories because He made so many!
7. What do you call a man who abandoned his diet?  A desserter.
8. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it!
9. The only thing getting “thinner” on my diet is my patience.
10. I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
11. Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape.  That is cruel and unusual punishment.
12. I want buns of steel.  But I also want buns of cinnamon.
13. I’m on that new miracle diet where you eat everything and pray for a miracle.
14. Eat, drink, and be merry — for tomorrow we diet!

Puns and Riddles About Dieting

Sometimes, the best way to handle the ups and downs of dieting is with a good sense of humor. These light-hearted quips bring some fun to this difficult task of losing weight.

1. Dieters tend to have a very “slim” way of thinking.
2. Those who give up on diets have a more “wide-open” mindset.
3. Q: Why did the late-night snacker put on so much weight?
   A: He couldn’t see how much he was actually eating.
4. When you overindulge, there’s always a “heavy” consequence waiting.
5. How do you lose weight fast? Fast! 
6. If you indulge, you’ll bulge!
7. I’ve got abs—solutely no willpower when it comes to dessert.
8. Taste makes waist!
9. Q: Why was the dieter afraid of the buffet?
   A: It was a real “spread!”
10. Q:  I can be found in every diet, but I cannot be consumed. While I cannot be eaten, I can hold you down. What am I?
    A:  Self restraint
11. I work out early so my brain doesn’t realize what’s happening.
12. Weight-loss tip: “Just eat what you don’t like and keep it simple.
13. Mirrors always tell the truth… lucky for us, they don’t laugh.

Diet One-Liners

If you don’t have a lot of time to read or tell a joke, one-liners are perfect for you. Here are some of the best one-liners about dieting.

1. Diets are for people who are fed up with being fed.
2. “Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backward.
3. The quickest diet you can try: If you’re thin, don’t eat in a hurry. If you’re not, just don’t eat — in a hurry!
4. If you have no sense of taste, food goes to waste. If you have too much, it goes to your waist.
5. Life without pizza isn’t much of a life at all.
6. I’m on an apple diet — I eat everything except apples.
7. Dieting isn’t exactly a piece of cake!
8. Brain cells come and go, but fat cells are here to stay.
9. I don’t have an eating problem. I eat, I gain weight, then buy bigger clothes. Problem solved!
10. The number one reason people fall off diets? Food.
11.  Weight Watchers teaches people their “lessens.”
12.  I drive too fast to worry about cholesterol levels.
13.  Chocolate, coffee, men — some things are just better when they’re rich.
14.  A diet is something that drains the life out of you. 
15.  Lord, if I can’t be thin, at least make all my friends fat!
16. Dieting is a piece of cake… that I can’t have.
17. My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch—it’s called lunch.
18. I just don’t want to look back and think “I could have eaten that.”
19. Dieting is when you eat food that makes you sad.
20. Eating fast is my cardio.
21. My body is a temple, with extra parking available in the back.
22. Too many square meals lead to round figures.

Conclusion

Dieting doesn’t have to be all hard work and no fun. A good laugh can make the process a little lighter and remind us not to take everything so seriously. A little bit of humor can be the best way to have a positive mindset while accomplishing a grueling and intensive feat.